He Thought She Thought
by stardust2002
Summary: Lee's and Kara's thoughts during their encounters in the timeframe of Kobol's Last Gleaming, Part One. What each of them might have been thinking during their various conversations.
1. Chapter 1

He Thought ... She Thought

Lee's and Kara's thoughts in their encounters during the timeframe of 'Kobol's Last Gleaming part 1'. What each of them might have been thinking during their various conversations. (Including deleted scene)

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1. He Thought

"Good morning Lieutenant, it's our favourite time of day again." _Holy shit, she looks terrible. _"Whoa, nice hair. What happened, you get laid?" _That ought to get her going._

"Nice eye, the old man get under your guard again?" she said sarcastically, evading his question.

_Frak, she's upset. Maybe she DID get laid. Whatever it was though, it didn't go well. Hopefully I can cheer her up some. _"I had him, then he flipped out. Threw this badass left hook. Still pretty mean. Anyway, let's go." He offered her his hand. She stretched, ignored it and used the ladder to pull herself up. _Is she mad at me, or is she just tired of needing help all the time? Probably just irked that her knee is still screwy. She's so frakking independent that way - hates needing anyone for anything. _"Okay, it's like that ... 'up all day with the rising sun.'" Lee began to chant.

"Don't ... " she said warningly, as they began to jog.

" ... gonna run all day till the running's done."

"Lee, shut up." _She sounds weary. Almost ... vulnerable._

They ran three laps of the ship, exchanging good mornings with those they passed, including the ritualistic ' morning Starbuck, whaddaya hear?' banter with Lee's father. Lee smiled. He was glad they were so close - Kara needed people, even if she didn't know it.

" I'm done, I'm done, I'm done," she said, panting, near the end of the third lap, collapsing onto a seat in the hallway.

"What? Come on Starbuck, you've got a reputation to keep up. Come on, two more laps." He grabbed her arm.

"I can't, I'm done," she said wearily again, head hanging down. "Besides, I've got to get ready for the jump test so..." Lee studied her for a moment. _She really does look terrible, _he thought, _defeated somehow. Never seen her hang her head in shame like this before. Something must be wrong._

"Look are you okay? You don't ... you don't seem so good." _That's it Lee, show her you're concerned but don't pry. She hates that._

"Rough night," she answered, sounding tired. She wouldn't meet his eyes. That was bad news._ Maybe lightening things up a little will help._

"So I see." He leaned close to her. "Anyone I uh... I know?"

She half turned but still wouldn't look at him. "Frak you." And suddenly she was gone. _What the hell?_

"You don't look that bad. Not ... not really," he said to her retreating back, but she didn't respond. _That's not like her at all. Normally she'd joke back ... or punch me. It's like ... she's got something to hide. Something painful. Maybe she DID get laid, but she's upset about it? What the hell happened after the party last night? _Lee decided then and there that somehow he would find out what happened. Kara was obviously hurting and he was going to kill the son of a bitch who caused it.

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The triad game was slow. Slow and boring. Due to Baltar. He was either drunk or just plain crazy - Lee couldn't really tell which. _Or maybe he's on something. Who knows what drugs are hiding in that lab of his? He sure acts like he's seeing things that aren't there sometimes._

"Alright twenty I call and I'll raise you thirty." Lee had a strong hand, he expected to win.

"You can't compete with me, I ALWAYS win," Baltar slurred, giving Lee a curious look. _Wonder what's got his knickers in a twist? He looks like a man with a bone to pick, but what have I ever done to him?_

"Well, I'm sorry," Lee laughed, trying to make light of the situation. _Never letting this lunatic join our game again. The longer I know him, the more I dislike him._

"So sorry to disappoint _you_," Baltar mumbled over his shoulder. _There he goes, talking to no one again. What is the man's problem?_

"... disappoint you all," he repeated more loudly. He showed his hand after the others did, and the table groaned, especially Lee. He was so sure he was going to win.

"What, there's a card game and no one told me?" Lee heard Kara's voice and immediately turned to see her smiling face. _She looks better._ Amidst the greetings, Lee noticed something odd. She called Baltar 'Gaius'. _When did that first-name basis begin? And why? She can't stand him any more than I can._

"Feeling better?" he asked, and was rewarded by her hand resting lightly on his arm as she nodded. _Good, she's not mad at me._

" Mr. Vice President to you if you don't mind, Lieutenant Thrace. Some level of decorum must be maintained here, or is it a pirate ship you're running?" _Gods, the man makes no sense at all! Frak, he sounds pissed. Why would he be pissed at Kara? _

Lee stole a glance at the rest of the table. Everyone was staring at Baltar, thanks to his outburst. Even Kara.

"No, just a battlestar sir," she challenged. _Whew, is the tension high here, or is it just me? _He looked from Kara to Baltar and back. Their eyes were locked. _Oh, frak no ... it couldn't be ..._

"Would you like to play?" Baltar looked and sounded like he was acting a part. Strange, even for him. "Maybe you'd like to sit next to Captain Adama?" _What the hell is he bringing me into this for? _

_Be cool Lee, Kara's fragile today. _"Sure Kara, why don't you pull up a pew." He looked at her but she and Baltar were still staring at each other. Kara broke it for a moment to glance over at Lee.

"No, it's okay Lee. I got things to do." And with one final look at Baltar, she left.

Lee stared after her for a moment, then looked at Baltar. He covered his mouth, looking for all the world like he was about to cry. _Oh gods, he's the one! They slept together last night! I can't believe Kara frakked Baltar of all people! _And Lee began to feel revulsion creep from the pit of his stomach up till he felt as though he was going to puke. He excused himself from the game and left, needing some breathing space away from that scumbag.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Lee was a man on a mission. He needed to find Kara - to understand how she could do such a despicable thing. He found her in the hangar bay, loading bullets into the raider.

"Going hunting?" he asked, half-jokingly, as he walked up behind her. If he caught her off guard, she sure didn't show it.

"I'm adding a gunnery run to the jump test tomorrow, see if our boy here can shoot anything with our ammo."

"So it's a boy now."

"Changed my mind."

"You ever wonder why everyone calls it a 'she' but to you ... it's a 'he'?"

"That's fascinating Lee. You should write a paper." Her voice dripped with sarcasm. _Oh no you don't - you don't throw my sarcasm back at me. _And inside, Lee boiled. How could she have done what she did and be so cool?

"It's not really my scene. I'm not as smart as say um ... Doctor Baltar." _That should get your attention. _Kara's head whipped up and she briefly met Lee's eyes before walking past him to continue work on the raider. "How is the Vice President, by the way?" _Dig._

"I don't know, I haven't seen him." _I'll bet. Judging from his behaviour earlier, you screwed him over big time. Another broken heart to add to your discard pile._

Lee nodded. It was time to get to the point. "So, he's a love 'em and leave 'em kind of guy, I guess."

"I guess," she answered non-commitally. She shook her head almost imperceptibly, but Lee didn't miss much, especially where Kara was concerned. _That got you - now give!_

"Ships that just pass in the night."

"Yup." She walked past, giving him an 'I wouldn't go there if I were you' glare. _Yeah? Well I would! You're not getting out of it that easily Kara._

"Didn't mean a thing." He knew he was really needling her, but the only way to get a response from Kara was to push. Hard.

"Nope." _Don't you walk away ... you're going to talk to me even if you don't want to!_

"Just bored, looking for something to do." His voice suddenly took on a bitter sound as his anger boiled over at her nonchalance. "So frakking the Vice- President of the colonies just seemed like a great way to waste some time."

"You want something from me?" Now she was angry. _Zing! Finally pushed the right button._

"Not a thing," he spat.

" 'Cause I don't owe you anything." _The hell you don't!_

"No, you don't owe me anything. 'Cause I'm just a CAG and you're just a pilot." _Come on, lay into me Kara - tell me we're more than that. We're friends, right?_

"Right." That was the usual Kara belligerence.

"A pilot who can't keep her pants on!" he hissed angrily, knowing he was hurting her but not caring. _Why? Why don't you defend our friendship? Don't you care?_

"Right." Her voice held resignation. His heart cracked. She didn't care. She'd fight back if she did. _Come on Kara, please? Show me you still care ..._

"Oh it is just like old times Kara, like when you got drunk and you couldn't keep your hands off the Major from ..." She suddenly whirled around and punched him in the mouth. _Ouch! _But at least she was responding, not laying down like a doormat and letting him walk all over her. Before he was aware of it, his hand had balled into a fist and he'd smacked her right back. Hard. _And you say I don't lose control dad. _ She groaned and held her cheek in her hand. Lee regretted it immediately. He was about to apologize when she turned and walked away.

"Why did you do it Kara, just ... just tell me why?" He could hear the pain and desperation in his voice and knew she could too. _Please, please talk to me Kara. Make me understand. Did he force you? Were you too drunk to know what you were doing? Why?_

" 'Cause I'm a screw-up Lee. Try and keep that in mind." And she walked away, leaving him standing beside the raider.

_Has it come down to this? Eight months together and all we still do is fight? Why can't you open up to me Kara? I'm your friend - or at least, I thought I was. _Lee stood there for a few minutes, struggling to get his emotions under control. _Frak you Kara, _was his last thought as he left the hangar bay.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Lee was seething. She'd done it again! Screwed him and made him look the fool. In front of his father, Tigh and the President no less. _You'll be lucky if I don't strangle you Kara. _He stalked into the hangar bay to find her giving orders to the techs as though she was a god.

"Lieutenant Thrace, attention!" he ordered, stomping up to her angrily. She didn't move. _Frak you Kara, you WILL obey me! _"Lieutenant Thrace, I gave you a command. You will obey it. ATTENTION! " He grabbed her water bottle, and finally she turned to face him, defiance evident in every gesture and look. "You DO NOT take your hare-brained ideas to the XO without going through ME first. Do you understand?" Their eyes locked, and for a brief moment Lee saw pain in hers. _You don't trust me anymore. _The thought was like a spear through the heart.

"Yes sir," she answered meekly, the mask over her face again. They continued to stare for a few more moments, Lee searching her eyes for anything other than meek acceptance. He didn't find it.

"At ease. So what's the plan?"

She described it in a few sentences. It really was a brilliant idea. He'd never have thought of it himself. _You really are a tactical genius Kara, but this plan sounds exceedingly dangerous._

" ... picks up the transponder, allows the raider to approach, nuke goes off," Lee finished for her.

"Boom sir." A trace of sarcasm. Only a trace though.

"Might work. Might get you killed." He sounded worried, even to his own ears. _She can probably tell how close I am to breaking down._

"Would you miss me sir?" _What do you care? At least if you get your sorry ass blown up, you won't keep breaking my heart every chance you get._

Lee struggled to keep his voice steady. "I need every pilot I have. Even the screw-ups." _Direct hit. _Her face crumpled, but Lee didn't care. It was time to resurrect those walls around his heart - the ones only Kara could breach, and had numerous times, only to stomp on it and leave him bleeding.

"Captain." Her voice held anger and pain. "I'm really sorry." _Is she apologizing for her breach of protocol, hurting me, or frakking Baltar? _No matter, Lee was having none of it. _I don't need your apologies. I don't need you. _And he walked away.

Kara was a lost cause.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

He Thought ... She Thought

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2. She Thought

"Good morning Lieutenant, it's our favourite time of day again." _How can you be so frakking cheerful this early in the day? Gods, my head is pounding._

"Whoa, nice hair. What happened, you get laid?" She threw him a dirty look. _Don't even start with me you ... you ..._

"Nice eye. The old man get under your guard again?" _Take that Lee - serves you right for hitting me where it hurts._

"I had him, then he flipped out. Threw this badass left hook. Still pretty mean." _Wipe that smirk off your face buddy. _"Anyway, let's go." He stuck out his hand to help her up. _Frak you Lee, I'm not touching you. I don't need your help. _She stretched and grabbed the ladder to pull herself up.

"Okay, it's like that ..." _Don't sound so surprised - you're the one who hurt me last night. I'm just returning the favour. _

" ... up all day with the rising sun ..." _Shit. I am SO not in the mood for this. _

"Don't ..." she said warningly as they began to jog.

"... gonna run all day till the running's done."

"Lee, shut up." _Or I'm going to have to belt you, so help me. It should be a punishable offence to be so loud and cheerful around someone with a hangover. And a seriously hurting ego._

They ran three laps of the ship, exchanging good mornings with other crew members.

"Morning Starbuck, whaddaya hear?" It was a ritual with them now. Every morning at their first meeting, the old man started with that and she always responded the same way. "Nothing but the rain." They'd been doing it for years now and probably would till their dying day. Today she almost felt too weary to bother. _Gods, I feel dirty, ashamed. What have I done? _The refrain ran through her head over and over as they ran, until finally she couldn't stand it anymore.

"I'm done, I'm done, I'm done," she said wearily, sinking down into a seat in the hallway. _Frak my knee hurts something fierce. Not as much as your pride, _a voice in her ear whispered.

"What? Come on Starbuck, you've got a reputation to keep up. Come on, two more laps." He grabbed her arm but she held firm.

"I can't, I'm done." _I can't do this anymore. _"Besides, I've got to get ready for the jump test so ..." She could feel Lee's eyes on her, but she wouldn't look up to meet them. Couldn't. _Because then he'd see - see everything I'm trying to hide, and he can't. He can't see how much I'm hurting._

Lee sat down beside her. "Look, are you okay? You don't ... you don't seem so good." _Isn't that the understatement of the year? Congratulations, someone give the man a medal. He's not as blind as I've always suspected he was. Now if he would only have been paying attention last night ..._

"Rough night," she admitted, unwilling to elaborate.

"So I see," he teased. "Anyone I uh ... I know?" Salt in an open wound. Her heart bled. He just didn't get it. All the hurt, shame and humiliation surged to the surface. _I gotta get out of here. _"Frak you." She got up and left, hoping the tears stinging her eyes would hold off till she got back to the bunkroom.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

The air was thick as she entered the room. It lightened somewhat with her appearance. _Of course, I'm the life of the party - how could they possibly play without me?_ The trademark Starbuck smirk crossed her face at the thought.

"What, there's a card game and no one told me?" she drawled, unconsciously walking over to stand beside Lee. "Hey," she said to the table in general, then noticed Baltar sitting opposite Lee. "Gaius."

"How are you feeling?" She tore her eyes away from Baltar to look at Lee. She briefly touched his shoulder and smiled. "Good." _Good, he wasn't upset about my pissy behaviour earlier. I just needed some time alone to get things under control._

"Mr. Vice President to you, if you don't mind Lieutenant Thrace." _Well, someone's upset. _"Some level of decorum has to be maintained after all, or is it a pirate ship you're running?" _Frak, he really is upset. And crazy. Don't forget crazy._

"No, just a battlestar sir," she replied sarcastically. Their eyes locked and she could see the anger and hurt. _Please don't, _she begged silently. _Please, don't say anything about last night._

"Would you like to play?" _He's baiting me. _"Maybe you'd like to sit next to Captain Adama?" _You asshole! I know I screwed up last night - one of my biggest and best screw-ups to date, but couldn't we just keep it between the two of us? If Lee ever finds out ..._

"Sure Kara, why don't you pull up a pew?" Lee invited. Kara stared daggers at Baltar, mentally cursing herself for being so stupid, and him for being such a jerk.

"No, it's okay Lee. I got things to do." _Time to go - before I do something else I'll regret. _One more glare at Baltar and Kara left the room, muttering under her breath, mostly praying Lee wouldn't figure out what happened. _Of course he will Thrace, he's no idiot. And when he does, beware. Lee Adama is _not _an enemy you want to have. As long as he never finds out about me saying his name. He can _never _ know how I feel about him._

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Kara heard footsteps come closer and stop behind her. The familiar feeling of his eyes boring holes in her back told her it was Lee before she even heard his voice.

"Going hunting?" _Only if you're the prey._

"I'm adding a gunnery run to the jump test tomorrow, see if our boy here can shoot anything with our ammo."

"You ever wonder why everyone else calls it a 'she' but to you it's a 'he'?" _Don't you dare try to analyze me Lee, you don't know a thing about me!_

"That's fascinating Lee. You should write a paper." _Time to make _you_ feel uncomfortable._

"It's not really my scene. I'm not as smart as, say um ... Doctor Baltar." The warning flags went up in Kara's head. _He knows._ "How is the Vice-President by the way?" _Frak, now he's baiting me. Gods, I wish I'd never ... but it's too late for that now._

"I don't know, I haven't seen him." She figured that might be a safe response. Hopefully Lee hadn't seen him _or talked to him _either.

"So, he's a love 'em and leave 'em kind of guy I guess."

"I guess," she said non-commitally. She shook her head, almost imperceptibly. _Frak. He knows. There's no doubt now. Why can't he just stay the frak out of my business?_

"Ships that just pass in the night."

"Yup." She walked past him, giving him her often-seen 'I wouldn't go there if I were you' glare. Most people heeded it. No one wanted to mess with Starbuck. _Except Lee._

"Didn't mean a thing."

"Nope." _What, you've never had meaningless sex before?_

"Just bored, looking for something to do." He began to follow as she walked away. _I don't like where this conversation is going ... _ "So frakking the Vice-President of the colonies just seemed like a great way to waste some time." _Lee, Lee, is that jealousy I hear?_

"You want something from me?" she said angrily.

"Not a thing," he spat. _And that's exactly the problem Lee ... too little, too late._

" 'Cause I don't owe you anything."

"No you don't owe me anything. 'Cause I'm just a CAG and you're just a pilot." _Ouch. I thought we were friends after all this time together. Guess not._

"Right."

"A pilot who can't keep her pants on!" he hissed angrily. _Well ... you had your chance last night ... you made your bed and I'm not going to sleep in it._

"Right."

"Oh, it is just like old times Kara, like when you got drunk and you couldn't keep your hands off the Major from ..." _You bastard! How dare you! How dare you bring that up!_ She whirled around and punched him in the mouth, not expecting him to return the favour. She groaned and held her cheek in her hand. _Damn, he's strong._ Suddenly her anger melted away and all she wanted was to leave. No more confrontations with Lee, they left her physically and emotionally battered. _Enough already ..._

She turned and walked away, but the Adama stubbornness she'd grown so used to kept him coming.

"Why did you do it Kara? Just tell me why." _Gods, he sounds so desperate - like he really cares. Maybe, just maybe he feels ... NO, NO THRACE! DON'T EVEN GO THERE! You can never ... not with Lee. It just can't happen. He can't know._

" 'Cause I'm a screw up Lee. Try and keep that in mind." She walked away, praying he'd finally give up and leave her the frak alone. For the second time that day, she walked away from Lee Adama, heartbroken, with tears stinging her eyes.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

"Hey guys, take that out. I know the Chief said we need it, but I don't need it ..." Kara was suddenly aware of angry footsteps behind her. She knew it was Lee. The shit was bound to hit the fan - didn't expect it quite so soon though.

"Lieutenant Thrace, attention!" he ordered, obviously furious with her. _Yeah ... whatever. _ She took a swig of her water. " Lieutenant Thrace, I gave you a command. You will obey. ATTENTION!" He grabbed her water bottle, and finally she turned to face him. _When I'm ready flyboy, not before. _"You DO NOT take your hare-brained ideas to the XO without going through ME first. Do you understand?" Their eyes locked and all Kara saw in his was anger. Anger and hurt. _You think I betrayed you. Well guess what Lee, I was never yours. And you didn't really think I'd come talk to you after what you did to me earlier did you?_

"At ease. So what's the plan?"

She described it in a few sentences. It really was very simple, but as she spoke, she could see something else cross his face. _Admiration?_

" ... picks up the transponder, allows the raider to approach, nuke goes off," Lee finished for her. He was no slouch - he'd obviously been with her as soon as she started explaining.

"Boom, sir."

"Might work. Might get you killed." She couldn't help but notice his emotions simmering so close to the surface.

"Would you miss me sir?" she asked sarcastically. _Doubtful ... except then you'd have no one to abuse._

"I need every pilot I have," Lee said, in a moderately steady voice. She could hear his anger though, carefully being held at bay. "Even the screw-ups." _Direct hit. _The walls crumbled. Kara tried so hard to keep herself, her feelings locked behind a thick wall so no one could get through and hurt her. Lee was the only one who seemed to have figured it out. _Damn you!_

"Captain," she called, as he walked away. Lee turned to face her. She wasn't reassured by the expression on his face. He looked furious. "I'm really sorry." What she was sorry for, she wasn't quite sure. Breaking protocol, hitting him, allowing herself to be used by Baltar? No matter - she needed to say sorry for all of them.

Lee turned and walked away without a word. _You bastard! I'm not sorry for anything I did! I don't need you. I don't want you in my life anymore. Get out Lee, and don't ever come back._

THE END

(or is it?)


End file.
